everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
