apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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