She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
