i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
