Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
