In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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