Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
