He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
