at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
