i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
