the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
