Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
