Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
