dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
