Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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