Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Enjoy the penises
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
