yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
