remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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