I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
