dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
we're so committed to being not committed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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