she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
