The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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