so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
