i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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