that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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