ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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