I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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