well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
