suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
