She is in my trunk
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize