Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
