U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
