**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
