youre lurking in front of me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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