She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
