How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
