you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
