; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
