Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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