I'm gonna have a badass scar
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
