Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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