i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
