So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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