HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
