return my video game
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
