That's intense
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
