I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize