Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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