who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
