saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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