Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My breasts were aching with rage.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
