my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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