he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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