so that wasnt chicken after all
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
