It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
