This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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