remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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