he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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