my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
