Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Who died my cat blue again?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize