this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
