i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
