Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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