So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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