2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
