the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
