i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
