Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize