these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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